My sheets look like a crime scene.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
