So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
