Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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