I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
