first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
