My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
