next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
