went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
