I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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