watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
