So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
