normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
