exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
