I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
