the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
