The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
