Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
