just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
