Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.