Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?