ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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