Plan B is the new Plan A
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it