dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
