Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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