me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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