I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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