I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
