You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
