Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
