My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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