She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize