everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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