I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize