I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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