Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
