just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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