Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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