Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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