I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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