Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
