Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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