i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize