I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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