The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
