oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
