Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
