Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
