Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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