did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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