i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
