ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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