it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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