I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
