i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
