I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
