Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize