if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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