my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize