White coat. Heels.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
