i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
