What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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