Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
