The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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