you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
