Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
