The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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