This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
